How to Build a Healthy Relationship with Food: Tips for Mums and Kids

Last week on the blog, we discussed briefly the impact our relationship with food has on our eating habits. This week, I want to dive deeper into this topic. I know that our relationship with food may seem like a strange thing to focus on but when we change habits without changing our thoughts, it's like putting duct tape on a leaky pipe. Yes, it will most likely slow the leak but it won't last forever because the issue that led to the problem was never solved. The water spraying out of the pipe wasn't the problem, the hole was the problem. We need to repair the hole; we must fix the relationship.

How do we fix this damaged or broken relationship? We first need to assess the situation. Take a few moments here to think about your relationship with food. How do you describe food? what emotions arise when you eat differently than you would like to? Do guilt and shame drive your food choices or are your choices driven by internal cues? Or are you able to make choices based on what sounds good to you while still considering nutrition in your decisions?

A couple of years ago, I took some time to think about my relationship with food. Unfortunately, I had inherited some unhealthy thoughts about food from my family and society at large. I cut back on carbs because "carbs were bad for you", they made you gain weight (this is technically true but there is more to this that would require a separate article). I felt guilty for eating too much sugar though that did not stop me from eating a whole block of chocolate. My food choices were heavily driven by the thoughts that I had about food and yours are too, though you may not have taken the time to reflect on this connection. These thoughts are often taken from our parents and passed on to our children. Many of us don't intentionally teach our children these negative thoughts but, because we don't take the time to understand the impact of our thoughts on our food choices, we subconsciously pass these thoughts on to the next generation.

By taking some time to assess the issues we have in our own relationship with food and repair the damage there, we can also help our children develop a healthy relationship with food and keep the joy of food that they are born with. But this is something that we need to be willing to work on for both ourselves and our kids. It takes effort and conscious thought but it is critical for us as parents and as individuals.

Protecting our kids from the negative impacts of diet culture can seem impossible and the negative impact this has on their relationship with food makes developing a healthy relationship with food challenging. This task becomes even more crucial for us as parents, as it influences not only our well-being but also the eating habits and attitudes of our children. In this article, we will talk about what a healthy relationship with food entails, its impact on our food choices, how to foster this relationship, and the challenges that come with this relationship both individually and with our children.

What is a Healthy Relationship with Food?

A healthy relationship with food is one in which food is viewed as a source of nourishment and enjoyment rather than a source of stress, guilt, or shame. It involves listening to your body's hunger and fullness cues, eating a variety of foods without labelling them as "good" or "bad," and allowing yourself to enjoy all foods without restriction. This balanced approach to eating encourages mindfulness, self-compassion, and a positive body image. Food is not used as a way of coping with emotions or situations and does not hold power over you. Food is intended to be enjoyed and having a healthy relationship with food allows us to have this positive approach to eating.

Impact on Food Choices

When we have a healthy relationship with food, our choices are guided by internal cues rather than external pressures. We eat when we're hungry, choose foods that make us feel good physically and emotionally, and stop eating when we're satisfied. We do not feel guilty for eating sweets or ice cream, nor do we feel righteous because we ate a salad. We do not fear fat or carbohydrates because we understand that food is intended to be enjoyed and there is space for all foods on our plates. This approach leads to more balanced, nutritious meals and reduces the likelihood of overeating or restrictive dieting. For us as mums, modelling these behaviours positively impacts our children's attitudes toward food, helping them develop healthy habits early on.

How to Build a Healthy Relationship with Food

Practice Mindful Eating: Slow down and savour each bite. Pay attention to the flavours, textures, and aromas of your food. This practice helps you connect with your body's signals and appreciate the eating experience. Mindful Eating helps to improve digestion and focus more on the pleasure of eating, allowing us to be more aware of what we are consuming. Check out this article for more on building a healthy relationship with food here https://jennytheissignutri.wixsite.com/jenny-theissig-nutri/post/mindful-eating-for-busy-moms-practical-tips-for-a-healthier-lifestyle
Listen to Your Body: Tune into your hunger and fullness cues. Eat when you're hungry and stop when you're satisfied. Trust that your body knows what it needs. When we slow down the eating experience, we have more time to listen to those cues. Using a scale of 1 to 10, ask yourself how hungry you are (from very hungry to very full). Be patient with yourself as learning to listen to your body is a skill that takes time to learn. Learning where comfortably full takes time to learn.
Reject Diet Mentality: Let go of strict dieting rules and food restrictions. Reflect on the way you think about your food and take note of whether this is helping or hindering your relationship with food. Allow yourself to enjoy a variety of foods without guilt or shame. Remember, no food is inherently "good" or "bad."
Focus on Nutrition, Not Calories: Choose foods that nourish your body and make you feel good. Prioritize whole, nutrient-dense foods, but also make room for sweets and snacks. By regularly choosing nutrient-dense foods, you will make sure your nutrition goals are being met while still enjoying your meal.
Set Positive Examples: As a mum, your relationship with food will influence your children. Show them that food is something to be enjoyed and that it's important to eat a variety of foods including those with a lower nutrition density. We can do this by being conscious of how we describe foods and avoiding moralising language around food and weight.

Changing your relationship with food will not happen overnight but it is worth the effort. Focus on progress over perfection and keep in mind the signals you may be transmitting to your children.

The following video is a great resource for practical tools to help improve your relationship with food. Please take the time to watch it, it is worth it

Challenges and How to Overcome Them

Building a healthy relationship with food can be challenging, especially with the pressures of our daily lives and diet culture. Here are some common challenges and strategies to overcome them:

Diet Culture Influence: The pervasive nature of diet culture makes it hard to break free from restrictive eating habits. You can counteract this by surrounding yourself with positive influences, such as body-positive social media accounts and literature and setting boundaries with loved ones when conversations about food and weight come up.
Emotional Eating: Many of us use food to cope with emotions. Instead of turning to food, find other ways to manage stress and emotions, such as exercise, meditation, or talking to a friend. Journalling can be a helpful tool to help us unwind complex thoughts when it comes to food and emotions and allow us to manage our emotions better without relying on food.
Time Constraints: Busy schedules can make it difficult to prepare and enjoy balanced meals. Plan ahead by meal prepping and keeping healthy snacks on hand. Make family meals a priority, even if they are simple. Remember, simple meals are still nutritious and meal times are critical when it comes to connecting as a family.
Picky Eaters: Children can be resistant to trying new foods. Encourage them without forcing by offering only a small amount of new foods, using different cooking techniques, using fun utensils or adding a dip like tomato sauce or salad dressing to make new foods more appealing. Offer a variety of foods and let them explore at their own pace. Make mealtime fun and stress-free, not only for your own sake but also for your children's.
Negative Self-Image: Negative body image can impact your relationship with food. Work on self-acceptance and body positivity/neutrality. Speak positively about other people's bodies and focus less on people's appearances and more on their character. If you are struggling to speak positively of yourself, seek support from a therapist or trained professional.

Common Questions Mums Have About Building a Healthy Relationship with Food

What does it mean to have a healthy relationship with food?

Having a healthy relationship with food means viewing food as a source of nourishment and pleasure rather than stress or guilt. It involves listening to your body's natural hunger and fullness cues, eating a variety of foods without labelling them as "good" or "bad," and enjoying all foods in moderation. Key signs of a healthy relationship with food include eating when you're hungry, stopping when you're satisfied, and not letting food choices dictate your self-worth or emotions. It also means allowing yourself to enjoy treats without feeling guilty and focusing on how foods make you feel physically and emotionally, rather than adhering to strict dietary rules.

How can I balance eating for nourishment and enjoyment without feeling guilty?

Balancing eating for nourishment and enjoyment without feeling guilty involves embracing the concept of intuitive eating. It means letting go of toxic diet culture thoughts and focusing on internal cues rather than external pressures. It's important to recognize that all foods can fit into a healthy diet without restriction. By focusing on the overall balance and quality of your diet rather than individual food choices, you can enjoy all foods without guilt. Remember, eating is not just about nutrition but also about pleasure and satisfaction, which are essential components of a healthy relationship with food.

How can I teach my children to have a positive relationship with food?

Teaching children to have a positive relationship with food involves modelling healthy behaviours and creating a supportive eating environment. Encourage your kids to try new foods by making mealtime fun and stress-free, and involve them in food preparation to increase their interest in what they eat. Avoid labeling foods as "healthy" or "unhealthy" and instead, emphasize the importance of variety and balance. Guide them through understanding how to listen to their hunger and fullness cues, and avoid using food as a reward or punishment. By demonstrating mindful eating and fostering an open, positive dialogue about food, you can help your children develop a healthy, balanced approach to eating.

What should I do if I notice my child developing unhealthy eating habits or body image issues?

If you notice your child developing unhealthy eating habits or body image issues, it's crucial to address these concerns with sensitivity and support. Start by fostering an open and non-judgmental dialogue, encouraging your child to share their feelings about food and body image. Emphasize the importance of health and well-being over appearance, and avoid negative talk about weight or diets. Provide balanced, nutritious meals and involve your child in meal planning and preparation to increase their interest in healthy eating. If you notice signs of disordered eating (rapid weight loss, loss of interest in eating, avoidance of meal times) seek the guidance of a healthcare professional, such as a paediatrician or a child psychologist, to address any deeper issues and to support your child in developing a positive relationship with food and their body. The most important thing here is to keep an open dialogue with your child. Speak gently and compassionately with them, doing your best to understand and validate their feelings while guiding them towards healthier mentalities and food behaviours.

If you have further questions related to building a healthy relationship with food for both you and your kids, feel free to email me or reach out to your doctor or a relevant healthcare professional. Your relationship with food is important as it is one of the biggest influences on your nutrition choices.

Conclusion

Developing a healthy relationship with food is a journey that requires mindfulness, self-compassion, and patience. As mums, fostering this relationship in ourselves not only benefits our well-being but also sets a powerful example for our children. By practising mindful eating, listening to our bodies, rejecting diet mentality, and focusing on nutrition, we can create a balanced and positive approach to food. Despite the challenges, with dedication and support, we can cultivate a healthy relationship with food that nurtures both our minds and bodies and those of our children.