I don't know what your dinner table looks like but at our house, it can get pretty hectic. The kids are tired, I am tired, we are all hungry and sometimes I just want it to be over and get the kids to bed! The days with young kids can be long and when it gets to six o'clock, we are all at the end of our ropes. It's so easy for things to become tense, trying to get kids to sit still and eat often seems impossible. But by creating a positive meal environment we can help our kids establish healthy eating habits and build positive emotional connections within the family.
Many of us grew up with a less-than-positive table atmosphere. We were fighting with our siblings, our parents were demanding we finish our plates or we were sitting in silence because Mum and Dad had had enough of the arguments and shouting. All of these things build negative connections to our experience of eating and it is only in recent years we have become aware of the large impact that this environment has on our eating habits and those of our children.
We often mean well when we try to bribe or pressure our children into eating what we think is reasonable but this can backfire. Even when we are sure that they are hungry and "should" eat more, we must remind ourselves that children are born with the ability to listen to their bodies. When we start bribing, making promises, and pressuring them to eat beyond what their body tells them is enough, we teach them to ignore their body and create negative emotional connections to certain foods. This can be very difficult as a parent; trust me, sometimes my son has one bite of dinner and says "I don't like it" and won't eat anymore. It can be hard to have him sit there while everyone else is eating and he refuses to touch it and not worry about whether he is eating enough.
We worry about what our kids are eating but often our actions work against this goal. We tell our kids "First eat your dinner, then you can have ice cream." or we try to convince them to eat saying, "No getting up until you eat your vegetables." Though these thoughts are well-intentioned (of course we want our kids to eat our veggies) by putting pressure on our kids to do what we think they should, we discourage them from listening to their own bodies. When you tell a child to do something, they will naturally kick against this. Instead of applying pressure, it's better to create a positive environment that will awaken curiosity in our children and encourage healthy eating behaviours.
By creating a positive mealtime atmosphere, we can encourage our children to develop lifelong healthy eating habits and help them explore new foods without pressure. The atmosphere in which we eat allows us to significantly impact our kids' eating habits, their relationship with food, and their overall health. In this article, we'll discuss how a stressful eating environment can negatively affect our children's eating habits, the challenges we face as parents in creating a positive eating environment and practical tips for fostering a relaxed and enjoyable mealtime atmosphere.
How a Stressful Eating Environment Negatively Impacts Kids’ Eating Habits
Pressure and Anxiety A high-pressure eating environment can cause anxiety and stress for children. When mealtimes are filled with tension, kids may develop negative associations with food and eating. This can lead to stress-related behaviours such as overeating, undereating, or becoming overly picky about food. The pressure to eat certain foods or clean their plates can turn mealtime into a battleground, which can have long-lasting effects on their relationship with food, and also negatively impact your relationship with your children.
Picky Eating and Food Refusal Stressful mealtimes can exacerbate picky eating behaviours. When children feel pressured to eat foods they don't like or eat more than they're comfortable with, they may become more resistant to trying new foods. This can lead to food refusal and a limited diet, which hurts their nutritional intake and growth as well as creates increased stress levels in the parents and negatively impacts the relationships within the family.
Long-Term Relationship with Food The impact of a stressful eating environment can extend into adulthood. Children who grow up in a high-pressure eating environment may develop disordered eating patterns or an unhealthy relationship with food. This can manifest as emotional eating, chronic dieting, overeating, refusal to eat certain "healthy" foods, fears of "unhealthy" foods or other negative behaviours around food.
This video from pediatric dietitian Jill Castle goes into more detail about how a negative eating environment can exacerbate problematic eating behaviours
Challenges Parents Face in Creating a Positive Eating Environment
Busy Schedules Hectic routines and time constraints can make it challenging to focus on creating a positive mealtime atmosphere. Parents often struggle to balance work, household responsibilities, and family time, leading to rushed and stressful meals. This morning gave me proof of this; the kids woke up late, they were tired, and were taking forever to eat their breakfast. Eventually, I had to take their plates away because we needed to get to school. I felt the stress levels rising and my son was moving even slower! I hate doing this but at least I know that they both have a morning tea/breakfast break early in the school day so I know they will be okay. Providing a piece of fruit they can snack on on the way to school can also help to support your child's nutrition needs.
Parental Stress and Fatigue Parents' stress and fatigue can inadvertently create a tense eating environment. When parents are tired or stressed (as we often are by the end of the day), it's harder to remain patient and positive during meals. Arguments are more likely to break out, resulting in tension and even fear. It is important to take a moment to breathe and give yourself and your kids some grace when it comes to dinner-time expectations.
Picky Eaters and Mealtime Battles Dealing with picky eaters can be a significant challenge for many of us, including myself. Power struggles over food can create a negative atmosphere and make mealtimes unpleasant for both parents and children. The pressure to get kids to eat certain foods or finish their meals can lead to increased resistance and stress from the child.
External Influences Societal pressures, diet culture, and conflicting advice from school, friends, families, and others can add to the challenge of creating a positive eating environment. We as parents may feel overwhelmed by the different recommendations and expectations regarding what and how our children should eat. I have noticed this working at the preschool and listening to how the teachers manage to eat with the children. Creating a positive atmosphere with such a large group of children is extremely difficult and handling many different cultures and children's unique needs makes this even more challenging. It is important to create a safe zone around the family dinner and create positive memories together.
How to Create a More Relaxed and Enjoyable Eating Environment
Set Realistic Expectations Setting realistic goals for mealtimes is essential. Though sitting at the table for thirty minutes may be realistic for adults and even teenagers, this is not a realistic expectation for young children. Young children are naturally energetic and restless. When my son was little (under two years old), we would keep a small car or small toy for him to play with when he was finished eating. We would keep the toy out of sight until he was finished eating, and then we gave him the toy so he would be happy sitting while the rest of us finished our meals. Sitting together as a family was a priority for us so we found a system that worked well for us. Decide what is most important for you and your family. Be flexible with eating schedules and choices, and understand that it's okay if your child doesn't eat everything on their plate, or even if they barely touch their food at all! Focus on the overall pattern of healthy eating rather than individual meals.
Create A Calm Atmosphere Reducing stress at mealtime can make a significant difference. Turn off electronic devices, set a pleasant table (however that looks for you), and keep conversations light and positive. Avoid discussing stressful topics during meals and instead focus on enjoying the time together as a family. You can get some fun placemats for your kids or some funny drinking glasses. If you choose to play music, make sure it's calm and relaxing and does not distract from the meal. Use the opportunity to connect with your kids and family, focusing on building positive memories.
Involve Kids in Meal Prep Involving children in meal planning and preparation can make them more interested in food and create a more engaging environment. Let them help with simple tasks like washing vegetables, stirring ingredients, or setting the table. There are special knives and kitchen utensils that are specifically designed for young children which will allow them to be more involved in the cooking and food preparation process. This can increase their enthusiasm for mealtime and reduce resistance to trying new foods.
Awaken Curiosity Many parents praise children for what they consider "good" eating behaviours. This can still encourage children to listen to external cues rather than listening to their bodies. Instead of praising children for eating their vegetables, encourage them
gently to try new foods, but be careful not to pressure them. This can be done through presenting foods differently, trying new cooking techniques and seasonings, fun cutlery (did you know there are tractor forks?), or a little sauce (tomato sauce, salad dressing) to encourage them.
Model Healthy Behavior Parents play a crucial role in modelling healthy eating behaviours. Show your children how to enjoy food and appreciate the experience of eating. Demonstrate mindful eating by savouring your meals, eating slowly, and listening to your body's hunger and fullness cues. Be careful not to discuss weight and diets in front of the children as this can cause children to develop negative thoughts about food.
Family Meals Eating together as a family whenever possible is vital for creating a sense of routine and togetherness. Family meals provide an opportunity for bonding and can help establish a positive eating environment. Encourage positive conversations and build healthy relationships. Make family mealtime a priority, even if the meals are simple.
Conclusion
A positive eating environment is essential for children's long-term health and their relationship with food. By understanding the impacts of a stressful eating environment and the challenges we face as parents, we can take steps to create a more relaxed and enjoyable atmosphere at mealtime. We must adjust our expectations when it comes to our eating habits, creating a low-pressure environment that awakens curiosity and respects their decisions when it comes to their eating decisions. Teaching our children basic cooking skills and involving them in the planning and preparation process can help to build a positive experience when it comes to food and eating. Using mealtimes as a time of connection and keeping the conversations at the table relaxed and joyful will further reinforce positive memories that support healthy eating habits. The most important step we can take though, is to model healthy eating behaviours by speaking positively of all types of food and encouraging children to listen to their body's internal hunger- and fullness cues. Keep your eyes on the overall pictures; whether your child eats one bite of peas today doesn't play a big role in their overall nutrition. We want to encourage children to eat a wide variety of regularly which has a much larger impact on their health in the long term. The most important thing we can do is model those healthy behaviours we want to see in our kids. Our children model our behaviours so let's make sure we are modeling something we want to see in our children.
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